Fascist Intelligence Test
political satire
1.  Gaining the respect of others
   Rank each of the following strategies from 1 to 10 for its probable
   effectiveness in gaining the respect of others.
   a.  Kill lots of people, especially bad people who God doesn't like.
   b.  Use big bombs that make lots more noise than other people's bombs.
   c.  Have your soldiers give out candy, toys and farm implements when
      they're not busy killing people.
   d.  Get rich.
   e.  Study scripture a lot.
   f.  Never admit a mistake.

2.  Telling right from wrong
   From the following two choices, indicate which is good and which
   is bad.
   a.  Arrest lots of people mostly at random, hold them incognito for
      long periods without legal rights and interrogate them vigorously.
   b.  Arrest lots of people mostly at random, hold them incognito for
      long periods without legal rights, interrogate them vigorously
      and subject them to bizarre sexual tortures.

3.   Self-image assessment
    Mark each of the following statements as true or false.
    a.  Other people are smarter than me but God likes me more.
    b.  I like being Commander In Chief.
    c.  I don't have to ask advisors for their opinions; I can tell what
       they're thinking.
    d.  I don't have to explain what I'm thinking; what I say is all
       that matters.
    e.  People are often surprised by things God has me say.

4.   Gaining self-respect
    Rank each of the following strategies from 1 to 10 for its probable
    effectiveness in gaining self-respect.
    a.  Never admit a mistake.
    b.  Study scripture a lot.
    c.  Get rich.
    d.  Have your soldiers give out candy, toys and farm implements when
       they're not busy killing people.
    e.  Use big bombs that make lots more noise than other people's bombs.
    f.  Kill lots of people, especially bad people who God doesn't like.

5.   Social cognition
    From each pair of statements below, indicate which of the statements
    is more often true.
    a1.  Money is good because it shows that God likes you.
    a2.  Money is good because people will be your friends.
    b1.  People like to have a strong leader telling them what to do.
    b2.  A strong leader does things that smartypants people are afraid
        to do.
    c1.  It's very polite to help your friends get rich.
    c2.  It's very rude to rat on your friends unless, of course, they
        rat on you.

6.   Situational cognition
    When your soldiers do something really awful, what's the smartest
    thing to say?
    a.  I can't believe OUR soldiers would do this.
    b.  It's just a few bad apples and there will be court martials.
    c.  It's better than what some other people do.
    d.  It's shameful to criticize our soldiers.
    e.  It's shameful to criticize our soldiers and it's also grounds for
       being designated as an enemy combatant.

7.   Assessing the reactions of others
    When you send your soldiers on an impossible mission so that they
    lose the battle on the ground, accept humiliating terms, and withdraw
    from a place of great strategic value, which of the propaganda lines
    below will make you look like a strong leader?
    a.  We have decided to give peace a chance.
    b.  We have found an alternative solution.
    c.  It's better than what some other people do.
    d.  The army made a few mistakes and there will be court martials.
    e.  Don't worry; God is still with us because we are good people and
       we will attack somebody else instead.

8.   Familial relations
    Mark each of the following statements as true or false.
    a.  My mom is a saint.
    b.  My wife is a saint.
    c.  My kids damn sure better act like saints.
    d.  My father is stupid but God is my real father anyway.

9.   Social poise
    From the two statements below, indicate which is more true.
    a.  God tells me what to do.
    b.  God doesn't tell me what to do but I know what he wants anyway.